Archive for the 'Fun' Category

what’s if you do not Cancel your credit card before you die

Cancel your credit card before you die  

Now some Banks and financial institutes have become really stupid!!!!

They don’t leave you if you have a credit relation with them even you die and hence
Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die.  

Most of the banks which are said to be world’s best and biggest banks Banks/Financial Intuitions are in heavy losses and trying to gain as much as possible form the customer.

Not only form the one alive also form the people who dead keeping the credit account open with zero balance.

Also the customer service has become very funny and stupid.


A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.

Here is the conversation:

Family Member:    ’I am calling to tell you she died back in January.’

Citibank:   ‘The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.’  

Family Member: ‘Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.’

Citibank: ‘Since it is two months past due, it already has been.’

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?’  

Citibank: ‘Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!’

Family Member: ‘Do you think God will be mad at her?’
Citibank: ‘Excuse me?’

Family Member: ‘Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?’

Citibank: ‘Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor.’
Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: ‘I’m calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.’

Citibank: ‘The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.’  
Family Member: ‘You mean you want to collect from her estate?’

Citibank: (Stammer) ‘Are you her lawyer?’

Family Member: ‘No, I’m her great nephew.’ (Lawyer info was given)

Citibank:  ’Could you fax us a certificate of death?’

Family Member: ‘Sure.’ (Fax number was given)

After they get the fax :

Citibank: ‘Our system just isn’t setup for death. I don’t know what more I can do to help.’

Family Member: ‘Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won’t care.’

Citibank: ‘Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.’  

(What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: ‘Would you like her new billing address?’

Citibank: ‘That might help…’

Family Member: ‘Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69.’
Citibank: ‘Sir, that’s a cemetery!’  
 
Family Member: ‘And what do you do with dead people on your planet???’

(Priceless!!)  
                                    You wondered why Citi is going broke and need the feds to bail them out!!

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Silly Questions and Answers

1. What is height of Fashion?

A. Dhoti with a zip .


2. What is height of Secrecy?

A. Offering blank visiting cards.

3. What is height of Active laziness?

A. Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.

4. What is height of Craziness?

A. Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.

5. What is height of Forgetfulness?

A. Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her
last.

6. What is height of Stupidity?

A. A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.

7. What is height of Honesty?

A. A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.

8. What is height of Suicide?

A. A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.

9. What is height of De-hydration?

A. A cow giving milk powder !!!!!!

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New USD Dollar

After US Financial Crisis…

New US $ in circulation


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Urgent vacancy for the post of Girl Friend

Applications are invited for the following post. The package and incentives
are mentioned below.

Designation : Junior girl friend (trainee)
Experience : 0

Age : 18-23 (if the individual is too good looking but not in the age group
can also apply, special consideration will undertaken for them)
Height, weight, complexions no bar, but is subjective.

Perks and incentives:
Total gross ( Monthly ) :
· 2 gifts worth not exceeding Rs. 1000/-(no precious metals, stones)
· bike rides each duration 1 hour
· trips to National Highways
· 5 Trips to Hanuman Mandir / Isckon Temple
· Kulfis / Chocobars at a regular gap of 3 days
· Daily Provision of Samosa/Bread Pakoda/Bhel worth Rs. 10 /-
· 2 movies (Family movies only) per month (on weekends)
· Visits to Shopping Malls and BARISTA every Weekend (On your own expense)

A Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to demand will be gifted, subject to
finance availability and to the size available with the shopkeeper.

Net Deductions (Monthly): Affair Fund and un-professional taxes will be
informed on joining
The probation period is 6 months, after which confirmation (with Promotion
to fulltime Girlfriend)

Plz NOTE:
1. Only females.
2. Girls who left in the last 2 months need not apply.
3. Ex-girlfriends will be eligible only if they agree to the above mentioned
conditions.

There is more:
For girls who are not eligible, can take advantage of the referral. Program
by referring their friend, colleagues etc.

Candle light or Tube light dinner will be given on every referral, even if
candidate is not selected.

Search,,,,,, , never ends!!
Interested candidates can send their resume with

Subject:
Name/fresher- exp/age.
Photo must be in attachment. to the email address via mail to
funpen@yahoo.com
Note: Applications without photo will be rejected.

 

 

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Rob Met St.Peter in Heaven and Became a Hen

          Rob kissed his wife, crawled into bed and fell asleep. All of a
sudden, he woke up to find an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing
at the foot of his bed. “What the hell are you doing in my bedroom? And who
are you? “He asked. “This is not your bedroom,” the man replied, “I am St.
Peter, and you are in heaven.” “WHAT! Are you saying I’m dead? I don’t want
to die! I’m too young,” said Rob. “I want you to send me back immediately.”
“It’s not that easy”, said St.Peter. “You can only return as a dog or a
hen. The choice is yours.” Rob thought about it for a while, and figured
that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed
life. “I want to return as a hen.” And in the next second, he found himself
in a chicken run, really nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear
end was gonna blow. Then along came another hen “Hey, you must be the new
hen St. Peter told me about,” she said. “How do you like being a hen?”
“Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my ass is about to explode.” “Oh
that!” said the other hen. “That’s only the ovulation going on. You need to
lay an egg.” “How do I do that?” Rob asked. “Cluck twice, and then push all
you can.” Rob clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then
‘plop’ an egg was on the ground. “Wow” Rob said, “That felt really good!”
So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was
another egg on the ground. The third time he clucked, he heard his wife
shout: “Rob, for Christ’s sake! Wake up! You’re shittin’ all over the bed!”

 

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Funny News part-2

1. Hindi class mein master ki pant ki zip khul dekh Ladkiyan zor se
hasnelagi.
Masterji bole : Zyada hehe ki to bahar nikaal kar khada kar doonga.

2. Santa was fondling a lady in a crowded bus.
Lady : Excuse me, aap achha nahi kar rahe hain!
Santa : Itni bheed mein is se achha nahi ho sakta.

3. Santa and banta were caught raping a girl. They were called for
identification parade.
When the girl arrives, both Santa and Banta shout together: “Yahi  thee,
Yahi thee”

4. Judge : Why do u want divorce?
Banta : She doesn’t satisfy me in bed!
Preeto: Tu yaha ka collector laga hai? Sari colony khush hai, ik
tamari agg  nahin bujati.

5.Jeeto was going to Chandigarh for vacations. At the time of packing
Santa thinks: Kitni bholi hai, main saath nahin jaa raha phir bhi condom
saath le jaa rahi hai.

6. Pappu meets papa Santa on stairs of a KOTHA.
Pappu: Papa aap yahan kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: Yaar ab 200-300 rupaye ke peeche teri mummy ke nakhre nahi sahe
jaate!

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Fun News part-1

1.Signboard outside a prostitute’s house: Married MEN not allowed.
We serve the needy, not the greedy…

2.Yesterday’s news : An aunty was raped while jogging.
Today’s news: More aunties found jogging.

3.  How do Municipal Buses help in Family Planning?
By spreading the Message: KRIPYA PEECHHE SE CHADHIYE(Please fuck from back)

4. Written on the T-Shirt of a girl:
SITUATORY WARNING: Objects inside the T-Shirt are larger than they
appear from outside.

 

 

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Who is going to Heaven Priest or doctor or Software Engineer ?

A Priest, a Doctor and an IT professional die and go to heaven, they hear God’s voice and it says:
” My dear sons I am really very sorry but the heaven is full and I can accommodate only one of u, so to choose the right person, one by one tell me what u have done in your lifetime.
“The Priest goes up first and says “well God I’m a priest, I am u r humble servant and have spent all my life working to spread your message.”

The Doctor goes up next and says “well I’m a doctor and I have helped thousands of people recover from their illnesses”

The IT professional goes up says “well I worked in IT and……..”,
before he could say anything further, the heaven’s gates opened and God came with tears in his eyes and said to him

 

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Facts of our Life

 ’To make money we lose our health and then to restore our health we lose money.
 We live as if we are never going to die and we die as if we never lived’

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Roles in a Software company

1)   Project Manager is a Person who thinks Nine women can deliver a baby in  One month.                                                                
                                                                           
                                                                           
 2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a   
 baby.                                                                     
                                                                           
                                                                           
 3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine     
 babies in one month.                                                      
                                                                           
                                                                           
 4) Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.                
                                                                           
                                                                           
 5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if 
 no man and woman are available.                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
 6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don’t need a man or woman;      
 they’ll produce a child with zero resources.                              
                                                                           
                                                                           
 7) Documentation Team thinks they don’t care whether the child is         
 delivered, they’ll just document months.                                  
                                                                           
                                                                           
 8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to   
 produce a baby.                                                           

 

 

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